Has anyone else noticed that New York's Bridge and Tunnel Crowd (otherwise known as "Jersey") has adopted the Chelsea look? These days, you can barely tell the overly-plucked, overly-shaved, overly-worked out Jersey Guidos trolling New York's streets for drunk women from the overly-plucked, overly-shaved, overly-worked out fellas down in Chelsea. This site documents "macho" Jersey's strange obsession with the gay look.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Again, "Gay or Jersey Answers" to the last post are featured in the comments section of this blog.

And even better, check out the write-up about the site on Gawker.com. Thank you, Gawker!

Now, let's get down to business:

a. Frankie

Frankie's MySpace picture is so chock full of clues and red herrings that it's practically an episode of Lost.

The cheap frame in the background is SO Jersey. But if you look closer, it's a picture of a knight on one knee, before a lady in waiting. And what the heck is that pink thing on the door? (Then there're the wifebeater and awful over-tanning, but I think they cut both ways.)

One final clue is that Frankie wRiTEz LiKE DiZ oN HiZ PiCTUr CapShUnZ. Hrm... maybe he's not gay nor Jersey, but rather a ten year old Asian girl.

Pardon me. A ten year old aZn GurL.

b. John

Like many of the features on Gay or Jersey, John's a self-described "part-time model" (which presumably explains the copyright information on his Friendster photo). But even more than that, John's going for the double-double of being both illiterate and desperate (when asked who he wants to meet, John writes: "any1..hu wants 2 b mah friend..." Aw...).

Apparently, John's also a philosopher-poet -- a feat that's particularly commendable, given his aforementioned illiteracy. For example, John writes a "shoutout" on his profile that states: "sometimes d 1 dat u truly luv is d 1 hu wil gve u so mch pain.."

So true, John. So true.

John describes himself as: "simple hearthrob daw...hehehe... a man with a lot of dreams and hopes.."

While I can't decipher context clues that might help explain what "daw" means, I also have a lot of hopes for John. The top of that list would probably be that he might one day graduate from the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.

c. Joseph

Joseph's profile was seriously fucking with my mind. On the one hand, he has pictures like this up, where he's written the caption: "These arms are only for hugging." And he's got a picture of his mother's poodle.

So gay, right?

But then, he also has pictures of him in a dirty wifebeater and tiny bling, holding a fist full of borrowed hundred-dollar bills.


Furthermore, there're pictures of him and his friends, posing with guns. And then the clincher is a set of pictures of not just him posing in front of his car, but pictures of JUST his car.

There's nothing more Jersey than car pictures than the smell of Drakkar Noir steeped in urinal cakes and Old Spice Deodorant.

My mind can't take it. You figure it out.

d. Arthur

Arthur lists his favorite movies as: "Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy, and the next."

Ordinarily, I would say that that doesn't tell you a goddamned thing about a person.

However, with Arthur, I get the feeling that this speaks volumes...

e. Bonus Question (the hard-to-find picture of a Gay or Jersey dude actually wearing a shirt): Scott

Scott writes on his MySpace page: "You and I both know that I'm a phenomenal dancer."

Dude, that statement really does say it all, doesn't it?

RETRACTION: Due to errors with a specific social networking site's "search" feature, it appears that John and Joseph were mistakenly included in today's post, as they are neither Gay NOR Jersey. We, the staff of GayOrJersey.com apologize for this oversight and assure you that we will make sure that our entries include only bona fide Gays or Jerseys. And we humbly apologize to John and Joseph for possibly leading people to believe that they were from Jersey.


Hank McCoy said...

Our "Answers" from last week:

a. Matthew - Gay. This almost excuses the shitty techno music. But not really. Just because he's Gay doesn't mean that it's suddenly 1992.

b. Jeremy - Jersey. Was there any question? His picture screams, "I live in Jersey and I make $10 an hour in the food service industry."

c. Chris - Jersey. "Brave Clarice. You will let me know when those lambs stop screaming, won't you?"

d. Paul - Gay. I think the fact that he planned the lighting so obviously with his half-naked picture kind of gave things away. I appreciate the fact that he tried to make it less casual by including a swig on a beer bottle, but he is still a douche.

e. Brelien - Jersey. Perhaps Emo is the next phase of the Jersey evolution? Hrm...

rr said...

d. Arthur: GAY.

Bourne Identity? Bourne Ultimatum? Ha! I'll be Arthur sits around all day going, "who am I? How did I get here? Why do these men with moustaches keep sucking my cock?"

Matt said...

Uh yeah...that's actually a picture of me, you put up on your blog. First off I'm not a personal trainer. Second the music on my page changes all the time....last week I had the Ramones' up "Blitzkrieg Bop"....you may know the song. Third...yeah I'm big fat HOMO....so what? What's wrong with that? What's wrong with being from Jersey? And what's your issue that you are so insecure about something inside yourself that you have to have to make fun of people to remain amused? I'd really like to know.......

Dawn said...

Seriously, do you have nothing better to do with your time than to search people's myspace pages and steal their pics? Wow, you must be such an interesting person to be so consumed with others that you don't even know. It'd be one thing to actually ASK people to use their likenesses for your experiment, but to outright steal is despicable and bordering on illegal.

sebastian said...

My God...Matt may be a big fat homo, as am I. Matt may some times listen to techno music, although I think house usic is the preffered term. And lastly Matt is NOT a personal trainer. He isn't that shalllow! If you only knew how sacrificing he is you would not assume he was a vapid Ken Doll...

Elizabeth said...

Scott could either A. be serious and therefore both jersey AND gay or b. simply be quoting Wedding Crashers and therefore has possesses some modicum of humor and an arsenal of pop culture references

hell, why not A. and B.

Anonymous said...

this site is hilarious and so on target. These guys REALLY are like that down Jersey shore way.