Gay or Jersey?

2007-06-19T19:05:00.000-07:00

We're going to take a short break from posting. Many thanks to Gawker and all of the readers, however. Over the past two days, we've averaged 4,000 hits a day and the comments and commentary written about the site elsewhere have been overwhelmingly positive.

We're glad that you enjoyed our product. :)

2007-06-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

Again, "Gay or Jersey Answers" to the last post are featured in the comments section of this blog.

And even better, check out the write-up about the site on Gawker.com. Thank you, Gawker!

Now, let's get down to business:

a. Frankie

Frankie's MySpace picture is so chock full of clues and red herrings that it's practically an episode of Lost.

The cheap frame in the background is SO Jersey. But if you look closer, it's a picture of a knight on one knee, before a lady in waiting. And what the heck is that pink thing on the door? (Then there're the wifebeater and awful over-tanning, but I think they cut both ways.)

One final clue is that Frankie wRiTEz LiKE DiZ oN HiZ PiCTUr CapShUnZ. Hrm... maybe he's not gay nor Jersey, but rather a ten year old Asian girl.

Pardon me. A ten year old aZn GurL.

b. John

Like many of the features on Gay or Jersey, John's a self-described "part-time model" (which presumably explains the copyright information on his Friendster photo). But even more than that, John's going for the double-double of being both illiterate and desperate (when asked who he wants to meet, John writes: "any1..hu wants 2 b mah friend..." Aw...).

Apparently, John's also a philosopher-poet -- a feat that's particularly commendable, given his aforementioned illiteracy. For example, John writes a "shoutout" on his profile that states: "sometimes d 1 dat u truly luv is d 1 hu wil gve u so mch pain.."

So true, John. So true.

John describes himself as: "simple hearthrob daw...hehehe... a man with a lot of dreams and hopes.."

While I can't decipher context clues that might help explain what "daw" means, I also have a lot of hopes for John. The top of that list would probably be that he might one day graduate from the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.

c. Joseph

Joseph's profile was seriously fucking with my mind. On the one hand, he has pictures like this up, where he's written the caption: "These arms are only for hugging." And he's got a picture of his mother's poodle.

So gay, right?

But then, he also has pictures of him in a dirty wifebeater and tiny bling, holding a fist full of borrowed hundred-dollar bills.

SO FUCKING JERSEY, right?

Furthermore, there're pictures of him and his friends, posing with guns. And then the clincher is a set of pictures of not just him posing in front of his car, but pictures of JUST his car.

There's nothing more Jersey than car pictures than the smell of Drakkar Noir steeped in urinal cakes and Old Spice Deodorant.

My mind can't take it. You figure it out.

d. Arthur

Arthur lists his favorite movies as: "Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy, and the next."

Ordinarily, I would say that that doesn't tell you a goddamned thing about a person.

However, with Arthur, I get the feeling that this speaks volumes...

e. Bonus Question (the hard-to-find picture of a Gay or Jersey dude actually wearing a shirt): Scott

Scott writes on his MySpace page: "You and I both know that I'm a phenomenal dancer."

Dude, that statement really does say it all, doesn't it?

RETRACTION: Due to errors with a specific social networking site's "search" feature, it appears that John and Joseph were mistakenly included in today's post, as they are neither Gay NOR Jersey. We, the staff of GayOrJersey.com apologize for this oversight and assure you that we will make sure that our entries include only bona fide Gays or Jerseys. And we humbly apologize to John and Joseph for possibly leading people to believe that they were from Jersey.

2007-06-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

Please note that the Gay or Jersey "answers" to the previous post appear in this post's comments.

a. Matthew

Here's a hint that might help determine whether Matthew's Gay or Jersey: Matthew's page had shitty techno music. Incredibly shitty techno music.

And another hint: He's a personal trainer.

Okay, I'm just screwing with you, because those aren't hints. Few things are more Jersey AND Gay than personal trainers that listen to shitty techno music.

b. Jeremy
The actual caption that Jeremy wrote for this picture was: "me hott yes i know."

I don't know what's more astounding. His overwhelming sense of modesty or the fact that he's got the reading, spelling, and writing skills of a four year old.

c. Chris

This picture totally gives me the heebie jeebies (and that's a pretty bold statement, given that Armando's frightening picture from the last post didn't do the same).

But whether Chris is Gay or Jersey, he's also a pretty good candidate for being a frickin' serial killer, given this mug shot.

Does anyone else look at this picture and hear: "IT RUBS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN"?

d. Paul

Paul not only leads his Friendster page with the line: "I just want to cuddle," but he's also emphasizes that he was in Phi Beta Kappa on his page.

This might explain why he doesn't have a single Friendster "testimonial" on a profile that's four years old.

But I digress. The fact that Paul is unequivocally a douche doesn't inform the inquiry of whether he's Gay or Jersey.

Or does it? Tricky, tricky...

e. BONUS QUESTION: Brelien

And for our tiebreaker (otherwise known as the incredibly hard-to-find picture of a guy with his goddamned shirt on), we have Brelien.

When asked who he wants to meet, Brelien's response on his page is: "Just about anyone who wants to meet me!"

Oh, there's nothing more attractive than a man with no standards whatsoever.

Oh wait, yes there is: A man that's incredibly excited about having no standards whatsoever. Congratulations, dude.

2007-06-15T07:40:00.001-07:00

All of these pictures were taken off of Friendster. Three of the five are guys from Jersey that're looking to pick up CHICKS.

Either I'm missing something or they're seriously, seriously missing something...

A. Daniel

Daniel doesn't give us a lot of information on his site. I'm guessing it's because his combination of the (a) clenched jaw, (b) clenched fists, (c) crucifix, and (d) not-so-tighty, not-so-whities says it all.

B. Carlos

Carlos, fella. I don't know where to begin.

I was torn between this picture and another picture of Carlos, with his shirt off (of course), squatting in front of a swamp lake. He's wearing white sneakers and giant metal bracers on his forearms, like he's some kind of midevil Nike ninja turtle. Tough choice, right?

Here, the contacts and eyebrow ring won me over. As for the hair, all I can say is: Carlos. Fella.

c. Armando

For his occupation, Armando lists: "WORK." As for music, he writes "I LIKE'M ALL!!"

I don't get the impression that I'll be expanding my cultural horizons, putting this web site together.

d. Christopher

Christopher describes himself as "a cool dud [sic] and I'm as real as they come."

Emphasizing his overwhelming real-ness, all Chris wants, when asked what he's seeking in someone to meet: "Just be real."

Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.

e. BONUS QUESTION: Mad

When I originally envisioned this site, I was going to do two pictures a day (one being Gay, one being Jersey) for y'all to try to pick out. I thought I'd toss things up every now and then with a "bonus question," who would be someone that looked fairly normal, that could be of either category.

After about a half an hour, I gave up on "normal" and just tried to find a guy with his shirt on. And holy shit, it's amazingly hard to find a picture of a Gay guy or a Jersey guy with his goddamned shirt on.

So, our guy "Mad" in his wifebeater will have to do.

As far as "normal" goes, though, I'd say that Mad's still the last guy on my list that I'd want to share a prison shower with, whether he's Gay OR Jersey.